i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
