oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
