Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
