Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
