Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
