i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
