He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
