Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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