Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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