Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
