Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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