You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
His hands were made for my vagina.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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