Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
my poor anus
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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