Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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