I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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