piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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