sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
