I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Who died my cat blue again?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
