Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
