Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
