you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize