The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
