i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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