They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
