Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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