Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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