He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You can't motorboat a personality
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
