Where is the hickey?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
