This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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