So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize