new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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