I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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