Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
