hotel room ftw
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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