don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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