I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
