Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
