a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
