New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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