I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
