I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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