soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
