you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
