I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
