If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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