Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
