at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
