i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
