So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
