Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
