Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
