There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
a search helicopter?!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
