I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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