I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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