i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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