i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't deserve a penis
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
