I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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