Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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