I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
