I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
someone owes me an orgasm
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
